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Grieving - 16 Helpful Suggestions to Assist You in Moving Through the Grief Process

By Peggy Ferguson

When we experience the loss of someone that we love, we often find ourselves at a loss for what to do with ourselves, with our daily lives, and with the grief. Keeping in mind that each person's experience of grief is uniquely their own, below are some tips to assist you in dealing with life on a daily basis and with processing through your grief. Some of the suggestions may seem to painful to try at this time. Try them a little later on. Ask for help from others along the way and remember that it takes as long as it takes.

1. Write about your favorite memory of the person you lost.

2. Pull out some pictures that are not too painful and talk about the event or the time that the picture was taken.

3. Seek out people who have experienced a similar loss and who understand what you are going through.

4. Keep a journal.

5. Read about grieve and loss- to tolerance.

6. Talk about the person.

7. Identify, own, and express your feelings. Fear, anger, guilt, hurt, sad, and abandoned are common.

8. Talk about any anger that you might have toward God or the person who died.

9. Do things to get out of self. Volunteer, garden, or do something for your neighbor.

10. If you are in charge of disposing of their possessions, get some help for going through their stuff. Have someone else present. Take lots of breaks. Cry. Talk about your feelings. Do it to tolerance. Break the task up into manageable pieces.

11. Maintain your social life. Get out and about -- to tolerance again.

12. Go to a grief support group or get some counseling

13. Don't pretend to feel what you don't feel. Be real.

14. When you are hit with another wave of grief when you least expect it, just acknowledge it and feel it. Don't beat yourself up about not being finished with grieving yet. Give your self credit for making it through each wave.

15. Use this time to nurture yourself.

16. Try to be tolerant of others when they say dumb stuff that is not helpful. They probably mean well. Most people believe that their experience with grief is universal. We tend to perceive that what we learned in our family culture about grief and loss applies to all cultures and the way that our families handled grief is the "correct" way to do it. Another person "instructing" you on how to do it, although sometimes annoying, is probably attempting to assist you through the grief process.

Help is available for dealing with grief. The educational information on my website is available to you. My website, a work in progress has numerous articles on a variety of subjects such as Grief, Addiction and Recovery, Marriage, Sexual Addiction, Mental Health, and Skill Development. Other informational resources on my website include a Recommended Readings page, a Links page, an Ask Peggy column, Surveys, and e-books. My e-books, The Honey Jar, and an interest survey are available at http://www.peggyferguson.com/ServicesProvided.en.html To sign up for a newsletter that will alert you to additional informational opportunities on this topics or others, go to http://www.peggyferguson.com

Dr. Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., LADC, LMFT, Marriage/Family Therapist, Alcohol/Drug Counselor, Writer, Trainer, Consultant.


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