Grieving - 16 Helpful Suggestions to
Assist You in Moving Through the Grief Process
By Peggy Ferguson
When we experience the loss of someone that we love, we
often find ourselves at a loss for what to do with
ourselves, with our daily lives, and with the grief.
Keeping in mind that each person's experience of grief
is uniquely their own, below are some tips to assist you
in dealing with life on a daily basis and with
processing through your grief. Some of the suggestions
may seem to painful to try at this time. Try them a
little later on. Ask for help from others along the way
and remember that it takes as long as it takes.
1. Write about your favorite memory of the person you
2. Pull out some pictures that are not too painful and
talk about the event or the time that the picture was
3. Seek out people who have experienced a similar loss
and who understand what you are going through.
4. Keep a journal.
5. Read about grieve and loss- to tolerance.
6. Talk about the person.
7. Identify, own, and express your feelings. Fear,
anger, guilt, hurt, sad, and abandoned are common.
8. Talk about any anger that you might have toward God
or the person who died.
9. Do things to get out of self. Volunteer, garden, or
do something for your neighbor.
10. If you are in charge of disposing of their
possessions, get some help for going through their
stuff. Have someone else present. Take lots of breaks.
Cry. Talk about your feelings. Do it to tolerance. Break
the task up into manageable pieces.
11. Maintain your social life. Get out and about -- to
12. Go to a grief support group or get some counseling
13. Don't pretend to feel what you don't feel. Be real.
14. When you are hit with another wave of grief when you
least expect it, just acknowledge it and feel it. Don't
beat yourself up about not being finished with grieving
yet. Give your self credit for making it through each
15. Use this time to nurture yourself.
16. Try to be tolerant of others when they say dumb
stuff that is not helpful. They probably mean well. Most
people believe that their experience with grief is
universal. We tend to perceive that what we learned in
our family culture about grief and loss applies to all
cultures and the way that our families handled grief is
the "correct" way to do it. Another person "instructing"
you on how to do it, although sometimes annoying, is
probably attempting to assist you through the grief
Help is available for dealing with grief. The
educational information on my website is available to
you. My website, a work in progress has numerous
articles on a variety of subjects such as Grief,
Addiction and Recovery, Marriage, Sexual Addiction,
Mental Health, and Skill Development. Other
informational resources on my website include a
Recommended Readings page, a Links page, an Ask Peggy
column, Surveys, and e-books. My e-books, The Honey Jar,
and an interest survey are available at http://www.peggyferguson.com/ServicesProvided.en.html
To sign up for a newsletter that will alert you to
additional informational opportunities on this topics or
others, go to http://www.peggyferguson.com
Dr. Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., LADC, LMFT,
Marriage/Family Therapist, Alcohol/Drug Counselor,
Writer, Trainer, Consultant.