|
Grief Recovery - Are My Emotions
Normal, Healthy Or Sane?
By Glynis Sherwood
People often worry about their emotional responses to
grief, and ask me if what they are feeling is normal,
healthy or sane. The answer is almost always yes.
Emotional responses to loss can feel unfamiliar and
upsetting, but that does not mean they are wrong. And
although the way individual people grieve is as unique
as a fingerprint, there are still some common emotional
reactions which, though painful, are signs of healthy
recovery from loss.
Typical responses to grief and loss include feelings of
numbness, shock or 'going blank'- especially in the
early days; tearfulness and sadness and denial that the
loss has occurred. Other reactions can range from anger,
including anger towards the deceased if there has been a
death; obsessing about the loss; and guilt, especially
the grieving person wishing they had done something
different that might have prevented the loss or death.
During the early stages of grief, it is not uncommon for
people to be completely preoccupied with their loss, and
to return to it over and over again as they try to make
sense of and come to terms with that loss. Mental and
physical fatigue can also be high in early grief, as the
energy that is normally available for day to day living
gets channeled into the hard but important work of
grieving. Again this is a normal response, as the
healing process from grief initially requires a lot of
energy in order for healthy recovery to occur. However,
if grieving people give themselves permission to mourn
their loss, and find appropriate supports, then they
usually pass through this most exhausting time and find
their life energy gradually beginning to return to
normal.
Sometimes grieving people fear that the intensity of
their grief means that their mental health may not be
the best. It is completely normal for the intensity of
grief to feel in direct proportion to not only the type
of loss, but also what the loss means to the grieving
person on a deeper level. For example, the loss of a
love relationship may or may not feel as intense as the
death of a loved one. It depends on the importance of
the relationship, and the meaning the relationship had
for the grieving person. In other words, although the
depth of a grief response is unique to each individual,
and is dependent on the meaning of that loss, there are
a range of healthy responses that can include intense
mourning. The good news is that with healthy grief -
i.e. approaching varied emotions with acceptance and
getting positive support - intense mourning is usually
time limited.
At the same time, it's important to be aware of
potentially unhelpful reactions to loss. For instance,
if a grieving person becomes overwhelmed by grief
symptoms, or views their loss as insurmountable, their
response to loss can become a barrier to healthy
recovery. Unhealthy responses to loss can include normal
sadness deteriorating into depression, or anger turning
into rage. If constructive coping skills are not present
or deteriorate into depression or rage the healing
process becomes blocked, and unhealthy or 'traumatic'
grief can take over. People experiencing traumatic grief
likely require formal psychological support in order to
heal from their loss and regain their emotional well
being. But whether grief is healthy or traumatic, most
people can benefit from counselling to help them recover
from their loss as quickly as possible.
Glynis Sherwood, MEd, CCC, CSAC is a counselling
therapist residing in Vancouver Canada. For more
information on how counselling can help you recover from
grief and loss, contact me for a free 15 minute
consultation. During that consultation we can discuss
your situation and how my counselling services can help
you start to feel better as soon as possible. You may
contact me by telephone or email through my website at
http://www.RecoveryCounsellingSolutions.com I look
forward to hearing from you and helping you on the road
to recovery! |
