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What Stage of Grief Are You In?
By Jean Wright

Over the years, mental health researchers have tried to explain the bereavement process by proposing stage of grief theories. There are actually several "models" out there, including 3 stages of grief, 5 stages, 7, 8 and even the "new" stages of grief.

Below, we describe what we think is the best model, the "New Stages of Grief". First though, we want to issue a warning to you. As Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a pioneer in grief theory stated, she never meant for her own 5-stage grief theory model to "help tuck messy emotions into neat packages".

Grief IS messy. It is not predictable and does not follow a set progression through a neat little timetable. There may be times when you stop, loop back to a prior stage, or even miss one altogether. One day you may feel you have made a lot of progress through your grief, only to be smacked back down by a new wave of overwhelming despair. That is okay. It all is normal. Just as long as you see change or some overall progress over time, you are doing okay with your grief.

So just what stage of grief are you in right now? The New Stages of Grief are outlined below:

Shock/Denial- Disbelief; unreality; you may find yourself unable to function. You may be very angry and try to lay blame for the death on someone: the doctor, hospital staff, family members, or even yourself. You may well find yourself in a spiritual crisis ("Why did God allow this to happen?") This stage lasts from weeks to a few months.
Suffering- This stage begins when the shock wears off... and the pain sets in. This is really "the heart" of your bereavement; the reality of your enormous loss really becomes apparent. Outsiders may start telling you it is time to "move on". Which is hogwash! It's just not possible to process a serious bereavement in a few short months. And sadly, you must endure this prolonged stage of heavy sadness in order to heal properly. There are no (healthy) shortcuts. This stage usually lasts between 1-2 years.
Recovery-Sometime after a year has passed, you may realize you are starting to think about the future. Glimmers of hope and happiness begin to return. Your grievous loss will never totally leave you, nor should it. But it will gradually recede into the background of your daily life. The recovery stage can take a long time; it can take two years or even longer to fully resolve your grief.

No matter which stage of grief you may find yourself in, try to take heart from the research done on the bereavement process. Grief does eventually lead to a much more tolerable existence, if you can just endure as you are carried along. There are some known coping strategies that can help make your journey more comfortable and healthy; you can access some of these grief coping tips in the resource box below.


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