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Dealing With Death - The Pain of Parting
By Emilie Warren

For many, there is a calm after the shock of death. The calm is disguising the truth that we have lost someone we love. At some point this calm gives way and there is a watershed, an outpouring of emotions and grief. Then the mourning starts.

It is often a funeral that is a watershed and the start of proper mourning. It is a seminal moment on our journey dealing with death. This is why funerals are so every important in every culture. It can help to ensure the funeral is sensitive.

There may be a specific moment when this realisation of reality dawns for many people. For some, it may be the moment the coffin finally descends into the ground, or when the curtains draw shut before the final cremation.

This is the moment when you will ask sorts of questions of yourself and feel the world is changing around you. Am I going mad? Why doesn't food taste of anything? Why can't I seem to be able to sleep at all? Why can't everyone just leave me alone? There will be a whole raft of emotions.

Different people will have different questions. When we are in a state of acute grief and pain, we will be irrational and emotional.

At this stage in our acute grief, the best plan is to let this grief wash over you. No one will be able to stop it for you. This is the stage of acute grief. Later there will be a way your mind, body and soul deals with the pain of parting.

For now, at the time of the funeral, it is time to say our farewells to the one we loved.

Touch the coffin and say goodbye.

Then the mourning will begin and must begin. The pain of parting will turn towards gentler grief and in time we will learn to accept that our lives have changed. Later there will be happy memories. Now is just grief.

Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as understanding their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understand death and dealing with death in her website.


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