Dealing With Death - The Pain of
By Emilie Warren
For many, there is a calm after the shock of death. The
calm is disguising the truth that we have lost someone
we love. At some point this calm gives way and there is
a watershed, an outpouring of emotions and grief. Then
the mourning starts.
It is often a funeral that is a watershed and the start
of proper mourning. It is a seminal moment on our
journey dealing with death. This is why funerals are so
every important in every culture. It can help to ensure
the funeral is sensitive.
There may be a specific moment when this realisation of
reality dawns for many people. For some, it may be the
moment the coffin finally descends into the ground, or
when the curtains draw shut before the final cremation.
This is the moment when you will ask sorts of questions
of yourself and feel the world is changing around you.
Am I going mad? Why doesn't food taste of anything? Why
can't I seem to be able to sleep at all? Why can't
everyone just leave me alone? There will be a whole raft
Different people will have different questions. When we
are in a state of acute grief and pain, we will be
irrational and emotional.
At this stage in our acute grief, the best plan is to
let this grief wash over you. No one will be able to
stop it for you. This is the stage of acute grief. Later
there will be a way your mind, body and soul deals with
the pain of parting.
For now, at the time of the funeral, it is time to say
our farewells to the one we loved.
Touch the coffin and say goodbye.
Then the mourning will begin and must begin. The pain of
parting will turn towards gentler grief and in time we
will learn to accept that our lives have changed. Later
there will be happy memories. Now is just grief.
Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people
cope with grief and bereavement as well as understanding
their own fears around death and dying. She is an
accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own
website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree
and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is
also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work
with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of
knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She
discusses specific issues about understand death and
dealing with death in her website.