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For Widows Only - What Grief Is, What
Grief Isn't
By Linda Della Donna
Grief is unbearable pain. It lingers long after standing
over a hole in the earth with your dead husband in it.
It results in friends not calling anymore, because they
don't know what to say; you not feeling up to going out,
because when you do get out the house, you just want to
run back home, jump into bed, and pull the covers over
your head; you not being able to control your tears,
because every thought cramming your brain are thoughts
of Him.
Grief is not punishment for a past moment in your life.
So stop that. You did nothing wrong to deserve the death
of your loved one.
Grief is a journey. Long. Dark. Unknown. Think tunnel.
Can't go around it, and can't go over it. You just got
to go through it.
Grief is not a straight line. Sometimes years go by
without feeling pain, and then when you least expect it,
it rears its morbid head and bites you hard in your
heart reminding you that mourning the loss of your
significant other, husband, soul mate, mentor, lover,
best friend, and hero, never gets easy, it just gets
less hard.
Grief is a thumb print. No two alike.
Grief is not one size fits all. There is no grief map,
grief prescription, grief guide, grief watch, grief
calendar, or grief clock to make your journey pleasant.
Each widow must figure out for herself just how long it
will take for her to feel life is worth living again
without Him by her side. But you, dear widow, have
permission to take as much time as you need.
Grief is overwhelming to the strongest and mightiest of
individuals, and until a widow has perfected her coping
mechanism, the one that teaches life is rich and
rewarding even without her best friend by her side, she
will struggle with her pain.
I know it is not easy losing a beloved spouse, but this
much I promise, dear widow, as time inches forward, you
will make it through your grief process. You will stop
looking at your wristwatch, clock, and calendar, and
measuring your life in seconds, minutes, hours, days,
weeks, months and years, because you will have learned
it wastes energy, energy best spent on living life to
its fullest. I know, because I am a widow, too, and if I
can make it through the grief process, so can you.
Eventually, we all evolve into the best we can be. |
