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Funeral Etiquette
By Buddy Phaneuf
Many well-intentioned people avoid going to funerals and
other types of memorial services because of the intense
emotion and sadness associated with these events.
Knowing what is appropriate in terms of etiquette can
put you at ease as memorial services provide a mechanism
for mourning the dead and a sense of finality and
completion for the living.
If you have doubts as to whether you should attend a
funeral, do try. The family will appreciate your
presence and if you are able, offer a few words of
kindness and support. This gracious act will be much
appreciated as well.
Attending the Services
Frequently, the first event after a death is called a
wake, a visitation, or calling hours. In many cases,
this occurs in a funeral home and the casket (if
present) has flowers and personal items on display. The
family receives visits from friends who offer
condolences and words of support.
A funeral (or memorial service) is attended by family
and friends, and also neighbors, co-workers, and anyone
who had a relationship with the deceased. Frequently,
prayers are said, a eulogy is delivered, and any
culturally-specific customs are practiced.
Burials, if appropriate, follow the funeral services,
and frequently a shovelful of dirt is dropped into the
grave as a sign of respect. The family initiates this
act and anyone close to the deceased may follow suit.
In many cultures, the family shares a meal with the
mourners after the ceremonies. This is a symbolic act
that separates the continuity of life from death and the
events associated with it. During this meal it is both
typical and appropriate to share stories and memories of
the deceased which invoke laughter, camaraderie, and
levity.
Funeral Attire
It has been a longstanding tradition that mourners
should wear black, but this is no longer the case
(however, a bright, cheerful color isn't the most
appropriate choice, either). For men, dark suits and
ties are appropriate, and for women, dresses or suits
are a reasonable choice.
Sending Condolences
Recalling stories, fond memories, and warm anecdotes is
always appropriate, and letting the family know how much
the person meant to you and all they did for you is
always appreciated.
Some more generic ways to express sympathy might include
- How kind the deceased person was
- That you are very sorry to hear the sad news
- That you had genuine feelings for the deceased and are
bereaved yourself
- How much the deceased will be missed by family and
friends
Buddy Phaneuf, President
Phaneuf Funeral Homes & Crematorium
243 Hanover St. ~ Manchester, NH 03104
250 Coolidge Ave. ~ Manchester, NH 03102
172 King St. ~ Boscawen, NH 03303
(603) 625 - 5777
http://www.phaneuf.net
Cremation Society of NH
243 Hanover St. ~ Manchester, NH 03104
172 King St. ~ Boscawen, NH 03303
(800)-493-8001
http://www.csnh.com |
