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Funerals Are For The Living
By John Roetker
In the course of my over 35 years in funeral service, I
have heard many times phrases made in the process of
arranging at-need and pre-need funeral services. The
phrase is most commonly self-deprecating. It makes
reference to the opinion that there need not be a fuss
made at the time of their demise. Some would say "Just
throw me in a pine box,"or other similar methods of
simple and uneventful disposition.
It is common for a person to not want to inconvenience
their family and friends. I would offer this advice. The
death of one that is dearly loved by family and held in
high esteem by friends and co-workers, is NEVER an
"inconvenience." While sometimes death can come suddenly
and possibly in an untimely manner, family and friends
still care deeply.
To deprive family and friends the opportunity to
participate in the memorialization process truly does a
disservice to them. A visitation and funeral or memorial
service affords family and friends the opportunity to
share their memories and participate in the grief
process. Talking about times shared with the departed
loved one can be extremely beneficial. These
conversations often spawn a smile, laughter, or
sometimes tears. Regardless the emotion, the experience
helps the individual, while showing the family there are
people out there who knew and mourn their loved one.
Death can be a pretty lonely experience for a family.
Showing that there are people who knew and loved the
deceased and wish to share with and provide emotional
support to the family is of great benefit to all.
At most funeral homes, the staff understands that the
deceased was a person of extreme importance to those
left behind. We also recognize that those remaining need
and deserve the opportunity to remember, share, support
and heal. Each individual deceased loved one, as well as
each family, is unique. That is why no two wakes or
visitations, nor any two funeral services, is exactly
alike. They can, and should, be customized to be in
harmony with both the memory of the deceased, and the
wishes and needs of the family.
Balancing these two considerations is usually not too
difficult, especially if the deceased had arrangements
in place, or the family had access to their loved one's
expressed wishes. But sometimes there are conflicts,
either between the wishes of the deceased and those of
the family, or within the family itself. An experienced
funeral director will act as a guide to the family to
sort this out.
Whether there was a pre-arrangement, or the family
totally arranges the services, the visitation and
service are meant to represent the memory of the
deceased to those attending. This supports the family
and close friends, and provides a way say goodbye. All
of these are benefits to those left behind. Funerals are
indeed "for the living."
John Roetker owns and operates Gladfelter Funeral Home
in Ottawa, Illinois. John has 36 years of experience in
the funeral industry, and welcomes questions that deal
with the services that funeral homes provide. Most
obvious are wake or visitation services, embalming,
caskets, and cremation. John also addresses questions
about pre-arrangement of funeral services, also known as
pre-need. If you have a question about these, or an
issue more specific to your situation, you can contact
John by email at gladfelter@hughes.net, by phone at
(815) 433-0097, or you can visit their website at
http://www.gladfelterfuneralhome.com. |
