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Funeral Etiquette - Three Simple
Principles
By Kim Gibson
If you've recently heard of the death of someone you
know, you may feel a mixture of sadness and anxiety. The
anxiety could be from uncertainty about proper funeral
etiquette. Knowing what to do and say at a funeral can
make a solemn situation more comfortable. There are
three simple principles which, if followed, can guide
you to appropriate funeral etiquette.
Courtesy
Appropriately connecting with people who are grieving
requires courtesy. Calling on the family at home or by
telephone should always be done with their convenience
in mind. For example, arriving late at night to express
your sympathy probably won't be helpful, but calling
ahead to ask when you might drop by would be.
In the same way, show courtesy at visitations and
funerals by turning off cell phones and pagers and
leaving children unable to sit quietly through the event
at home. If there's a graveside service and funeral
procession, allow family members of the deceased to make
their way to the grave site first and follow the
instructions provided by funeral home staff. Courteous
funeral etiquette centers around focusing attention on
grieving friends and family rather than ourselves.
Kindness
Expressing true sympathy begins with kindness. Small
gestures such as writing a personal note of sympathy to
the family or providing food for a funeral dinner can be
quite helpful. Think of what would help you the most if
you had lost someone close to you and then act
accordingly.
Here are some other acts of kindness which can help
alleviate stress and grief after a death:
• Offer to babysit small children to allow adult family
members time together
• Order flowers or a plant, or contribute to a charity
in memory of the departed
• Offer transportation or shopping services
• Purchase gift cards that can be used for meals or
items needed for the funeral
• Sit with grieving friends and family and simply listen
to them
• Stay in touch after the funeral when others have gone
home
Respect
Attending a funeral or wake is often referred to as
"paying respects," and that's a good illustration of how
respect and grieving are linked together. At a funeral,
in particular, respectful behavior by those attending
can help take the sharp edge off the day's grief.
Here's an illustration: imagine attending a funeral that
is overshadowed by loud chatter and inappropriate
comments during the service. Not only is that kind of
behavior discourteous, it shows a lack of respect for
the occasion.
Follow the immediate family's lead to know what's
appropriate and respectful. If they're rejoicing over
the deceased's relief from long-term pain or sharing a
laugh over an old story, by all means join in. Just
remember that the attention should be focused on the one
who has passed away and their family, not on those
paying respects.
One more note about respectful funeral etiquette: dress
to suit the occasion. That doesn't have to mean somber,
black clothing, but choose business clothing rather than
casual unless the family informs you ahead of time
they'll be casually dressed.
Funeral etiquette principles aren't carved in stone, but
allowing yourself to be guided by courtesy, kindness and
respect is always appropriate. By doing so, you may set
the tone for others and help to make a sad event less
difficult.
Kimberly Gibson is owner of Elegant Memorials Funeral
Program Templates. She also writes and publishes a wide
range of articles in funeral and memorial planning
including funeral and bereavement poems |
