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What Grieving Moms Want for Mothers Day
By J Carol Pereyra

Acknowledgment is what grieving mother's want most for Mother's Day. When we asked grieving moms "What can others do to comfort you on Mother's Day" over 80 percent of the 2000 respondents answered, "Recognize that I am a mother." Mother's Day is normally a day for celebrating, but for women who have lost a child, it can be a very difficult holiday to get through.

With Mother's Day approaching, here are ten simple ways to comfort a grieving mother on this difficult holiday.

1. Recognize that they are a mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a card to let them know you remember they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.

2. Acknowledge they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you."

3. Use their child's name in conversation: One mother responded, "People rarely speak his name anymore, but when they do it's like music to my ears."

4. Plant a living memorial: A tree or rose bush, like memories, will grow in beauty as the years pass.

5. Visit the grave site: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's grave site and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.

6. Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.

7. Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heart felt letter about my child and a favorite memory you have of them."

8. Send a gift of remembrance: Many mothers felt a small gift would be comforting. Suggestions included: an angel statue, a special piece of jewelry, a picture frame, or donate a library book or toy in the child's name.

9. Don't try to minimize the loss: Avoid using any clichés' that attempt to explain the death of a child, like "God needed another angel." Also, don't try to find anything positive about the loss like "You still have two healthy children".

10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort," according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. A gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered would be appreciated.


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