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Breaking Out of the Grief Bubble
By Harriet Hodgson
Grief is a complex process, so complex that mourners may
not see themselves clearly. As a friend of mine
commented, "You think you're doing well [in grief] but
you really aren't." I kept doing my grief work after
losing four loved ones, and thought I was doing well.
Family members and friends, however, knew I was in a
grief bubble, a person totally absorbed in grief.
Now I am able to see how isolated I was and how others
saw me. I am also able to see that I have broken out of
the grief bubble -- poked a giant hole to let fresh air,
new experiences, and new ideas into my life. What do I
mean when I say I have broken out of the grief bubble?
Increased physical activity was one of the first signs.
Certainly, I was not physically active when I sat on the
couch week after week and stared into space. Today, I am
racing around for my twin grandchildren and making a
conscious effort to walk for health. Walking makes me
feel better physically and mentally.
Friends stuck with me during the grief process and now I
am reaching out to them. I have invited 13 friends to a
holiday luncheon next week. To seat everyone I have to
put a card table at the end of the dining table. Though
we will be scrunched together my friends will not mind.
We will share feelings, tell stories and, if my past
luncheons are any indication, laugh a lot.
Breaking out of the grief bubble has made me more aware
of national and local news. I followed the presidential
election closely, for example, and learned that the
local food shelves were running low on supplies.So I
delivered groceries and a check to the food bank. Though
I am aware of the news, I still watch only one newscast
a day for emotional self-defense.
The return of humor was another thing I noticed. My
sense of humor is back big time. I trade one-liners with
family members, store clerks, and even strangers. Humor
has always been part of my personality and I missed it
during my grief journey. I think the ablity to laugh as
a sign of recovery.
Breaking out of the grief bubble takes time. At first, I
poked a few trial holes to see the "lay of the land."
Then I poked a larger hole and stuck my head out to see
what might happen. Finally, I poked a huge hole and
said, "Enough grief! Enough tears! I want to join life
again." In order to do this, I had to reorganize my life
and plan a future without my loved ones.
I am living that life now. Some aspects of my new life
are the same as the old, such as my writing career.
Other aspects, like raising my 16-year-old twin
grandchildren, are new. Life is exciting again. My life
no longer belongs to grief, it belongs to me.
Copyrigh 2008 by Harriet Hodgson
http://www.harriethodgson.com
Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for
30 years. She is a member of the Association of Health
Care Journlaists and the Association for Death Education
and Counseling. Her 24th book, "Smiling Through Your
Tears: Anticipating Grief," written with Lois Krahn, MD,
is available from http://www.amazon.com
Centering Corporation in Omaha, Nebraska -- North
America's oldest and largest grief resource center-- has
published her 26th book, "Writing to Recover: The
Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life."
The company has also published two companion resources,
the "Writing to Recover Journal," which contains 100
writing affirmations, and the "Writing to Recover
Calendar," which contains life affirmations.
Please visit Harriet's website and learn more about this
busy author and grandmother. |
