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Coping With Death of a Loved One
By Jim Moustakas

Coping with the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult things that you will ever have to do but it is also unavoidable and because death is so final, the enormity of the situation can make it difficult to accept and your mind may be unable to cope sometimes with the finality of it all.

Coping with death is an individual process. There are no right or wrong ways of dealing with such a dramatic crisis in your life, the old adage of time being a good healer holds true and there is certainly no way to speed up the healing process rather than come to terms with it in your own time.

If your loss was a sudden one and totally unexpected, the shock of the event can be totally numbing. A tragedy like this can sever your emotions, shutting down your ability to think logically and therefore preventing you from having to deal with the reality of the situation. This is your body's way of protecting you until you are able to manage. Unfortunately, tears can be both a cleansing and healing antidote to a tragic situation and without this release; emotions can be bottled up and gradually builds.

A long drawn out illness prior to death can bring its own set of problems. You may have had a chance to say goodbye or to provisionally prepare yourself for the ending but in truth, your sense of loss will be as acute as a sudden tragedy because often you will have had to be strong throughout and the final scene can be like a valve releasing as the tension and anguish erupts.

Grieving is an individual experience. You may react very differently to those around you but don't feel guilty if you feel that you are coping with your grief better than someone else or the opposite, feel anger if others do not seem to be experiencing the same raw emotions as you. The grieving process is a difficult and varied one, it can take months to come to terms with it and even years later, your thoughts will stray to your loved one and you will remember, but fortunately, the pain will be replaced by more subtle feelings of loss and memories of happier times.

Having someone to talk to can be of huge benefit, even if you think that you are not able to open up and discuss what has happened. If you are able, talk to family or friends and share your emotions. If you are unable to do this, consider talking to a grief counsellor who will be able to help you come to terms with your loss. The relief of sharing the jumble of emotions and being able to make sense of your thoughts can be a powerful release and one which can help you to move the grieving process forward.

Coping with death takes courage but life does get better and you can learn from the experience and keep the memory of your loved one alive, just don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.


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