Death & Grieving - The Three Phases -
Advice For Dealing With Grief
By Mark Leaper
There is very little training available for coping with
death or help for dealing with grief. We come into this
world with very little and we leave on the same terms,
but along the way we become richer in what we learn, who
we love and the memories that we store.
Our loved ones share in our development, success,
failures; loves, losses and their memories of times with
us build along life's journey. So when we depart, it is
those fond memories we leave behind for others to
remember, and if that can be our focus during periods of
grief, then grieving can be a positive emotion instead
of a memory of loss.
Life provides no preparation for the loss of a fond soul
and we usually don't know what to expect until we
experience a major loss and begin to suffer the
When we grieve we can experience all kinds of
sensations. Some feel the impacts physically, mentally,
emotionally, and spiritually. The important thing to
remember is not to be afraid to grieve. In denial some
try to put their grief aside and "get over it," but this
only delays the healing process, as it is thought that
there are three distinct phases of grief.
Shock and Denial
This is usually the first reaction to death. A feeling
of numbness, disbelief that a loved one has gone, when
we temporarily enter into a world of unreality, but
during this phase we gradually adjust our minds to begin
to accept the loss.
This is a very difficult time, we find ourselves in a
state of constant grief and unbearable pain. We swing
back and forth between believing the loss has happened
and denying the possibility that it has. It is very
important that you allow yourself the time to adjust to
the loss and to come to terms with it as part of coping
with grief - This phase can last for several weeks.
Turmoil and Disorganization
Our world enters in to a state of not coping and
complete turmoil, we are experiencing grief at the loss
of a loved one and at the same time we are trying to
adjust to what we perceive as an empty world without
that person in it. This phase can be very testing for us
and those around us as they watch and try to support us.
We can become extremely intensely focused upon the
reality of our loss, but at the same time we will try
almost anything to escape it.
Our body can enter a phase of total exhaustion and
extreme emotion, and the grieving person will often
experience mood swings, which can be dramatic and
hurtful for those around us. Normal emotions during this
phase can include anger, extreme sadness, depression,
despair and jealousy towards others who haven't suffered
the same loss.
This phase develops, allowing people begin to understand
all the implications of the loss and start to rebuild
their life - This phase can be a case one step forward
and two steps back and can last a year or more before it
The recovery phase is a time that is also referred to as
the acceptance or reorganization phase. The period of
total chaos and turmoil eases as we move to a point of
new balance. Life moves on with fond memories, but
without the intense emotions of grief that were
experiencing earlier. We become aware that the physical
signs of their grief are beginning to fade and we feel
more able to cope with life in a positive way and are
much less exhausted than we once were.
The pain of the loss remains, but the unbearable
intensity of it recedes, and we begin to rebuild our
lives and experience hope again. Life seems possible
again, new focuses develop, life's routines adapt and
our ability to interact without that feeling of constant
heartache subsides. Love, laughter and new memories will
never replace old ones and they shouldn't as these are
held in a special place in our heart, but space is
created to develop new ones and we should never feel
guilty about allowing a new life to begin.
As a leading authority on with the financial services
sector in the UK, Mark Leaper of http://www.moneymatchmaker.com
has many years experience in delivering consumer advice,
tips and information for dealing with life's challenges.
For more information about Coping with death, arranging
a funeral or a prepaid funeral plans, go to http://www.funeraldirectorsukdirectory.co.uk.