How to Deal With the Death of a Spouse
By Maria Umar
Losing a partner or a spouse as a result of a relation
gone wrong is way different than losing a loved one to
death. It is a loss that one of the partners in a
marriage has to inevitably deal with. The hurt that
follows is unfathomable and the degree of grief varies
depending on the cause of the death and the relation
shared between the two of them. And of course the hurt
has its companions-physical, emotional and financial.
The aching loneliness, financial struggles, bringing up
children alone, managing finances, making decisions,
dealing with other relations, being strong for your
children and most vital but most difficult-moving on and
coping with your hurt, are the challenges you got to
face. The sooner you face them the sooner you would
start healing. It has been said many times and yet it is
most difficult to believe that, life doesn't stop when a
loved one dies, it goes on and you got to live through
it. Here are a few tips that might help you deal with
1. Acceptance of the whole situation is the hardest
thing. You might feel confused, disoriented, scared,
guilty, angry or even relieved (in case of a prolonged
sickness). Don't hold it against yourself. You loved
that person and now you have to ensure you live your
life fully just like he or she would have wanted you to.
2. Facing your grief and giving yourself time to mourn
is very important. Grieve at your own pace.
3. Share memories! Talk about their memories with your
friends, family and children. You can't just shut it all
4. Taking one day at a time definitely helps. If you can
manage through one day you can most certainly manage
another. Thinking and planning about years ahead would
be too difficult, so leave long term planning aside
until you are in a better state.
5. If you have children, they are going through their
own loss. They are even more clueless than you are, so
be there for them, they need you more than ever now.
6. You need to sort out the financial aspects, loans,
bills, investments, mortgages and insurances. The sooner
you handle them the less stress they would cause.
7. Join a support group. It always helps to share your
grief with people who are themselves grieving.
8. Be good to yourself. Don't at any cost eat, drink or
smoke too much. Don't use anti-depressants for a
9. Maintain a regular routine. Make exercise a part of
your life. Give time to yourself so you can do some
reflective thinking. It helps in healing.
10. Do cry after a day or two. Pretending to be strong
and going about daily routine can take its toll. Crying
is cathartic, it helps.
11. Emptying the closets and drawers shouldn't be done
in a hurry. People might tell you to do it right away.
Do it in your own time or you might regret it later. Do
it yourself, it could be good to have someone around
once you get to it.
Death of a loved one with whom you have dreamed of a
happily ever after, is one of the bitterest realities of
life. At that time it seems unimaginable that we can
still function without them, but we do. What you need
most is time and belief in yourself.
I am a freelance content writer and have written on a
diverse range of topics. Samples of my articles are
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These are just some articles I have written for clients.
I have a Master's degree in English Literature and
worked as an ESL and Creative Writing teacher for the
6th and 7th grades.