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Dealing With Death - Three Steps
Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren
When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us,
we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten,
but that there is a new different future for us. We will
not be the same person as we were before our grief and
loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by
understanding the process of mourning, we can help
overcome the burden of bereavement.
Here we outline three stages in bereavement and
mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us
become used to a different life with a major
relationship missing.
First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered
rationally, in our head.
By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move
from a state of severe shock and grief into a more
normal period of mourning and bereavement.
It can help to develop a story of what happened to the
person you lost, thinking through what happened in the
run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years
before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By
understanding more about why or how a person has passed
away, we know our process of mourning can be helped.
This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of
death itself.
Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss
emotionally.
Once we being to accept our loss rationally, we need to
come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to
ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this
process can help us bring acceptance. The very process
of confronting what has upset us can bring about a
lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about
forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place
where we can remember the happy memories of our loved
one without intense pain.
Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different
person.
In simple terms, you are a different person without
someone who has been very close to you. You may be
uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For
example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am
Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know
him.
With time and support, you can discover a new identity
for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy
memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and
will always be a part of you, but it is an identity
which needs to work for your future.
Discovering who you are again after someone close to you
has died is an essential part of coping with your grief
and loss. |
