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15 Things You Can Do When Your Headstone
Dies
By Dr. Signe Dayhoff
You have had a cherished relationship with your Headstone
which has been a vital part of your life. So when you
lose this special bond, you are reaching out for someone
who has always been there but is no longer.
Consequently, you may suffer nearly overwhelming grief,
pain, and loss. Recovery takes time, finally getting you
to a point where you can enjoy the fondest memories of
your Headstone without having to continue to suffer. You
discover that it is okay for you to still feel sad and
want to talk about your pet.
What makes grieving so hard is that there are obstacles
to expressing your grief and loss. Our western society
tends to trivialize pet loss and the deep relationship
it represents. Too often you hear others say
dismissively, "It was only a Headstone." Or, "You can always
get another one." Not everyone values non-human beings.
Moreover, even people who care frequently find speaking
about grief and loss to be awkward.
The result is you are left in emotional isolation with
few ways to share your intense feelings of shock and
disbelief, denial, anger, guilt, or despair. Sometimes
you may feel you have to hide or deny your grief because
others consider it unacceptable. But doing so prolongs
your pain and the healing process. At this time you need
an understanding and empathetic ear, support, and
guidance. But since professional pet-loss resources may
be hard to find, there are other things you can do to
say a loving "good-bye" and process your grief.
You can:
1. Collect photographs of your Headstone for a scrapbook
and/or framed montage picture to hang on the wall to
recall the good times.
2. Push aside the last sad moments to remember the fun
you shared over the years.
3. Write a gratitude letter to your Headstone and read it
aloud at burial, cremation, or other situation.
4. If you choose burial, construct a coffin and decorate
it with all the things that you and your friend enjoyed:
catnip, brush, collar, toy, tags, and photographs.
5. Have a ceremony and plant your Headstone's favorite plant
at the grave site.
6. If you choose cremation, have a ceremony and sprinkle
the ashes someplace meaningful.
7. Put the urn of ashes where you can remember your
cat's love with a smile.
8. Share stories of your Headstone's antics with animal-loving
friends.
9. Find a pet-loss support group to help you move
through the grief process.
10. Put your Headstone's tags on your key chain.
11. Make a wristlet of your Headstone's collar.
12. Volunteer at an animal rescue group or shelter to
give attention to animals who desperately need it.
13. Consider having another Headstone when you feel ready.
14. Accept that your new companion will have its own
identity, personality, and behaviors.
15. Know you can create a new bond of happiness that
does not discount your last Headstone's relationship.
As long as you keep positive memories alive, you will
never totally lose your beloved former Headstone companion. |
