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Dealing With Regrets

By Gregory Baker

In the years that I have been a Pastor, the strongest regrets I have encountered are those from people who lost a loved one to death. I hear comments like, 'I wish', 'if only', 'it's not fair', 'why?', and so many others. These regrets can consume a person to the point where he or she becomes paralyzed by them, living in guilt and frustration.

Most of us have regrets. We regret a missed opportunity or a wrong committed sometime in the past. These are sometimes strong regrets and sometimes minor ones. No matter the case, dealing with regrets is something that each of us has to do.


If you had no regrets, you would not care. In the case of the death of someone dear and close, I would be bothered by someone who claims kinship or friendship with the departed and yet has no regrets. Regrets demonstrate the level of love and care that we have for such a person. Regrets also demonstrate that we are now fully aware of the missed opportunities.

So in a very real sense, regrets are good. If you didn't have any regrets you would be calloused, or simply unaware of the opportunities that have slipped you by.


Regrets have a lamentable attraction to feel the need to wallow in them. We flay ourselves with these regrets like some sort of whip on our guilty conscious. Guilt and regrets are God given responses to teach us lessons. Wallowing in them is counterproductive.

If you lost someone dear, you'll want to wallow in your own self pity and focus on your regrets. But that robs the person you love of all the other things they accomplished in life. You focus only on what you didn't do with them instead of them.

Regrets are selfish. They can teach us things, they even demonstrate that we care. But wallowing in them is purely a selfish endeavor. It keeps us from living. It keeps us from realizing all the things that we did do or accomplish.


Regrets show us that we can't afford to miss any more opportunities. If you lost someone close to you, don't let your regrets keep you from those still alive. Take the lessons that you learned and try not to miss any more opportunities.

Spend more time with others. Ask yourself, if so and so died today, what regrets would I have? Then go out and do something about it. Regrets allow us to realize what is most important in our lives.

Your regrets ought to show you where your values are. Use that. As a Christian, I use regrets as motivation. I regret some of the things I have done in my life. I regret some of my choices. But having a loving and forgiving God allows me focus on what I can still accomplish, the things I can still do, and the choices that are still before me. Regrets can be very motivational.

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