The Funniest Headstones You'll Ever
By Catherine Olen
How many times have you walked through a cemetery and
noticed the writing on the headstones? In my profession,
I am constantly looking for names of the famous burials
so I have come across wonderfully creative epitaphs on
my travels. Not just the famous can be clever in death
but the obscure are equally as enigmatic in their final
words. As I strolled through Westwood Memorial park,
famous for the burial of Marilyn Monroe, I found the
grave of funny man Rodney Dangerfield.
If you look at his stone, just beneath his name reads
"There goes the neighborhood". A neighbor of Mr.
Dangerfield is the great television host, Merv Griffin.
His famous line "I will be right back after these
messages" was changed to "I will NOT be right back after
these messages." Bringing a smile to the face of any
person old enough to remember the Merv Griffin show.
Just behind these famous folks is the grave of Mr. Jack
Lemmon. One of the greatest stars in Hollywood, this
great man had etched in stone "Jack Lemmon In..." a
reference to the title pages show on the silver screen
before every movie he played a role in. The amazingly
talented writer/producer Billy Wilder is spending
eternal rest near Jack Lemmon with his epitaph reading
"I'm a writer, but then nobody's perfect." This was
actually a final jeopardy question in 2008.
At the famous Hollywood Forever cemetery, I found the
crypt of the great actress Joan Hackett. Her bronze name
plate reads "Go away, I'm sleeping." Apparently, she
would utter these words from behind her dressing room
door when filming when she needed privacy. No one will
forget the amazingly talented Mel Blanc, voice of Bugs
Bunny and hundreds of character voices for the Warner
Bros. His stately grey granite stone reads the famous
line by Porky Pig "That's all folks." At Forest Lawn
Glendale is the gold niche plate of actor Ed Wynn, voice
of the Mad Hatter in "Alice in Wonderland" reads "Dear
God, Thanks." At this same cemetery, A good friend
pointed me to a stone that will forever be a puzzle to
all who see it.
A simple bronze stone with "Factory Reject" emblazoned
on the front. No name or dates just these words. Someday
I would love to know the story behind this memorial. I
have come across several funny stones gracious people
have posted on the internet, such as the family that
honored their loved one with a parking meter on the
stone reading "Expired." last but not least, the stone
of unknown Micah Green reading "I see dumb people."